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I love my daughter, and she loved me. But I worried about her—my youngest of three—throughout her short life.

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My daughter, Joelle Wolf (born Joei Zunti-Davidson, and known to many by her married name, Joei Gowing), died by suicide on September 23, 2023. She will always be my Joei.

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Joei had seen her psychiatrist just 10 days before. The doctor, with whom Joei had a great relationship, had no idea she was suicidal.

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Joei was beautiful, brilliant, articulate, loving, kind, generous, passionate, stubborn, outspoken, and an amazing mother to her four young children, ages 10, 8, 5, and 2 at the time of her death.

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Over and over again, the system failed her. She unabashedly utilized the resources available to her. She reached out for help multiple times. As a child, she called the Kids Help Phone, sometimes several times a day. She attended counselling, beginning at a young age. She attempted suicide, starting at 14 years old, multiple times. I reached out for help multiple times too. Yet, instead of providing resources to me as a single parent, my 16-year-old daughter was taken into the foster care system. This wasn't because I couldn’t look after her, but because the system went against its own mandate to “keep families together.”

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As an adult, my daughter received long-term disability financial support due to her various mental health diagnoses: BPD, OCD, Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, PTSD. But she was a very high-functioning patient who slipped through the cracks. And she was always searching—searching for another label that could explain her inner turmoil. She shared what she learned with anyone who would listen. She made videos chronicling not only each of her four pregnancies, but also her mental health, sharing her journey with the world. She had thousands of followers on her various social media platforms.

She was a certified doula with dreams of becoming a midwife.

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She was not shy.

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She was fierce in defending marginalized groups and had a passion for spreading mental health awareness for both women and men. She organized rallies and counter-protests for causes she believed in, most often bringing her children with her, holding up signs so they would always know that their voices, too, mattered. (If you look up “Joelle Wolf Kelowna” or her former married name on the internet, you will find several news stories and photos).

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She was looking forward to Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). She was sitting at the six-month mark of an eight-month-long waitlist when she took her life.

Now I worry about my grandchildren. Someday they will know.

Someday they will know how their mama died. Someday they will read the two-page letters she left for each of them, each one written neatly in a 16-page “Goodbye” notebook found alongside her by police.

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They will read the note attached to the brand new stuffie she left for each child:

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When tomorrow starts without me,
Don’t think we’re far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I’m right there in your heart.

The angels came and set me free,
Through tears I did depart,
So hug this [fox, teddy bear, cow, crab] and think of me,
I loved you from the start.
~ Mama

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Someday they will read all her journals. Someday they will watch the 500+ videos she published. Someday they will have questions no one can answer.

Someday I won’t be here to help them through their retriggered grief. Who will be there for them then? Why isn’t the system following them now, checking in on them? Making sure they’re OK or that they have the resources needed to help them?

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We must demand better. To prevent this tragedy from happening to others, the following changes are urgently needed:

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·        Local Help: Must be available to families at any time, not just Mon-Fri, 9-5.

·        Specific Therapy: Must be accessible; waitlists MUST be shortened.

·        Healthcare Providers: Must understand the urgency of effective treatments, like DBT.

·        Education: Mental health, including suicide awareness, needs to be an intrinsic part              of the school curriculum.

·        Care Provider Training: All mental health care providers need to be educated about              significant loss and complex, compounded grief.

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The SEEN Movement is something my daughter would have been enthusiastic to be a part of.

Now I pledge to do my part in helping to live up to its mandate—in memory of my daughter, for my grandchildren, and for all others. I am privileged to continue her legacy and her advocacy forever through this much-needed organization.